New Year New Failures

Today is December 31st, and for the first time in my life I'm not excited at all for the new year. There are numerous reasons for that, but in short let's just say that its hard to be excited for another year, when every year is a little worse than the last. And in what way every year is worse? In every possible way: financially, professionally, academically, romantically, psychically and mentally. Here I'm going to do a recap of 2024 in each of these categories.

Financially: When I started this year, I had a financial goal of ending the year with at least 40 thousand in my account. It was not any random number, I made this goal based on calculations and projections, this goal was very possible to achieve. And now, with only 1 day left, I have no more than 3 thousand. This is even more disappointing when you consider that I sold a piece of land I had in another state for 20 thousand, and I don't even have that money anymore. So yeah, I'm pretty fucking dumb when it comes to my finances.

Professionally: At the beginning of this year I was working at a supermarket as a cashier. The store administrator left on vacation, and I was the one she chose to replace her while she was gone. After she returned I went back to being a cashier, but she told me she would leave for another city soon, and I would stay in her place. But I'm dumb, so I quit before that happened, because I didn't want to be a cashier anymore, not even for a day. Months later, when my money ended, I got a job as a waiter on a restaurant. It paid a better than the supermarket, and I was quickly promoted to leader. But that didn't take long because every time I would play my part as leader, the manager stood against me, so I was demoted back to a regular waiter and he took my position. After such disrespect I figured the best thing to do was to quit, because I no longer felt any joy working there.

Academically: On the last new year's day, I decided that one of my goals for 2024 would be to go to college, and try once again to join the police. As you can imagine, I didn't get into college. At least I tried to join the police, and I went very far in the process, I passed the written test and the physical test with flying colors, but in the end I failed on the psychologic exams, meaning that all my effort was in vain.

Romantically: While I was living alone I fell in love with some people, and some people fell in love with me, but none of these relations evolved into something serious. I went out with 3 or 4 women I guess, and I had sexual relations with one of them, but I ended up right where I started. Then a few months ago I went back to living in the house of my ex. Well, I'm not sure if she was my ex, because our relationship never really ended. Actually I'm not even sure if it ever started, it's very complicated. But I was facing financial problems so it seemed like the best decision for me.

Physically: I stopped training after I failed to join the police, because I lost all my motivation to do so, and as a result I became more and more sedentary. This year's heat and dry air made it even worse, and now as I write this I'm feeling sick, so I guess my body's immunity took a hit as well.

Mentally: Emotionally this year was worse than the last, I can't say I'm really happy with my present life, and I'm not proud with what I've done this year. This was the year I worked the most in my entire life, I worked around 300 days this year, and for a month I felt the experience of working in two jobs at the same time, and ironically the more I worked less money I had, it was never enough. This year was overall very frustrating.

So now in a few moments is going to be 2025, and I'm trying my best to be excited about it, but you can't imagine how difficult it is to me, specially considering that nothing in the world will change. The only thing I can change is myself, but if I'm the only person in the world who will change, then changing becomes pointless. How can you care about the world when the world doesn't care about you?